Menstruation: Preparing your preteen for her period

Talking about menstruation can be embarrassing for both you and your daughter. Here's help approaching this ticklish topic.

Most girls begin to menstruate when they're about 12 or 13, but periods are possible a few years earlier. That's why explaining menstruation early is so important. But menstruation is an awkward subject to talk about — especially with preteen girls, who seem to embarrass more easily than any other creatures on the planet.

So what's the best way to approach this ticklish topic?

Talk early and often

If your daughter asks questions about menstruation, answer them openly and honestly. Provide as many details as you think she needs at the time. It's OK to let your daughter set the pace — but don't let her avoid the topic entirely. If she's not asking questions as she approaches the preteen years, it's up to you to start talking about menstruation.

Don't plan a single tell-all discussion. Instead, talk about the various issues — from basic hygiene to fear of the unknown — in a series of short conversations. Consider it part of a continuing conversation on how the human body works. Remember, your daughter needs good information about the menstrual cycle and all the other changes that puberty brings. If her friends are her only source of information, she may hear some nonsense and take it for fact.

How to start talking

To introduce the subject of menstruation, you might ask your daughter what she knows about puberty. Clarify any misinformation, and ask what questions she might have. It may be helpful to time your conversations with the health lessons and sex education your daughter is receiving in school.

Or you could broach the subject before a routine doctor's appointment. You can tell your daughter that the doctor may ask her whether she's gotten her period yet. Then ask if she has any questions or concerns about menstruation.

Girls might prefer to learn about menstruation from a female family member, but sometimes that's not possible. If you're a single father and you're not comfortable talking about menstruation, you might delegate these conversations to a female relative or friend. The key is to make sure the information is relayed somehow.

Practical advice preferred

The biology of menstruation is important, but most girls are more interested in practical information about periods. Your daughter may want to know when it's going to happen, what it's going to feel like and what she'll need to do when the time comes.

What is menstruation? Menstruation means a girl's body is mature enough to become pregnant. Each month, one of the ovaries releases an egg. This is called ovulation. At the same time, hormonal changes prepare the uterus for pregnancy. If ovulation takes place and the egg isn't fertilized, the lining of the uterus sheds through the vagina. This is a period.
When will it happen? No one can tell exactly when a girl will get her first period, but certain clues can act as early warning signals. Typically, girls begin menstruating about two years after their breasts begin to grow. In the months before their first periods, many girls experience a thick, white discharge from their vaginas. Often, a girl starts menstruating within a year of the age when her mother started menstruating.
What should I do? Explain how to use sanitary pads or tampons. Many girls are more comfortable starting with pads, but it's OK to use tampons right away. Remind your daughter that it may take some practice to get used to inserting tampons. Stock the bathroom with various types of sanitary products ahead of time. Encourage your daughter to experiment until she finds the product that works best for her.
What if I'm at school? Encourage your daughter to carry a pad or tampon in her backpack or purse, just in case. Many school bathrooms have coin-operated dispensers for these products. The school nurse also may have supplies.
Will it hurt? Symptoms of premenstrual syndrome (PMS), such as mood swings and irritability, are possible in the days before each period. Many girls have cramps, typically in the lower abdomen, when their periods begin. Cramps can be dull and achy or sharp and intense. A hot bath, heating pad or over-the-counter pain reliever may help ease any discomfort.

Everyone's different

Your daughter may worry that she's not normal if she starts having periods before — or after — friends her age do, or if her periods aren't like those of her friends. But menstruation varies with the individual. Some girls have periods that last for two days, while others have periods that last more than a week. It can even vary this drastically from month to month in the same girl. The amount of blood lost each month can vary, too, from a few tablespoons to more than a half cup.

It's also common for girls to have irregular periods for the first year or two. Some months might even go by without a period. Once your daughter's cycle settles down, teach her how to keep a log of her periods. Eventually she may be able to predict when her periods will begin.

Tell your daughter to let you know if her periods last more than 10 days or are exceptionally painful, or if she's soaking more pads or tampons than usual. She may need to see a doctor. Schedule a checkup for your daughter if she hasn't started menstruating by age 16 or if she's gone six months without a period.

Change can be scary

The changes associated with puberty can be a little scary. Reassure your daughter that it's normal to feel apprehensive about menstruating, but it's nothing to be too worried about — and you're there to answer any questions she may have.