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With Mayo Clinic health education outreach coordinator Angela Lunde
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September 6, 2008
Give the gift of advocacy for loved ones
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By Angela Lunde

Several of you shared your experiences around nursing home care for persons with dementia. Your stories were told candidly and from the heart and underscore both the perceptions and the realities of nursing home care for persons with dementia. I too have observed variability in the quality of care, and compassion of staff, in nursing homes and other facilities that become 'home' to persons with Alzheimer's disease or a related dementia.

I appreciate the competing challenges that nursing homes and similar facilities face. They have financial limitations with significant consequences (such as attracting and keeping desirable employees), and are under the scrutiny of regulators, that while necessary, can sometimes hamper their ability to do what is in the best interest of an individual resident. Caregivers at these facilities often manage behavior challenges, a common symptom of dementia. Persons with dementia live in a world that over time makes little sense to them and their ability to verbally communicate lessens — understandably they 'act out'. At times, even the savviest of caregivers will be challenged.

Yet, there are facilities that have implemented beautifully a philosophy of care that can offer the person with dementia the basic rights, compassion, and dignity they deserve. For example, most of the time challenging behaviors in dementia are a result of the environment (loud sounds, unfamiliar faces) as well as the way in which we, caregivers and family, approach, and communicate both verbally and non-verbally with persons who have dementia.

The book "The Best Friends Staff: Building a Culture of Care in Alzheimer's Programs" (one of my favorites) by Virginia Bell and David Troxel offers stories and ideas from real staff in facilities worldwide who are already implementing a 'Best Friends' approach with their residents.

However, the reality still exits that there will continue to be inferior care facilities across the county. Given that reality, the best gift a family member can give is to be an informed advocate for the person with dementia. In the support groups I facilitate, I often hear a family member indicate that once a loved one moves to a care facility, their job as a caregiver does not end, it just shifts from that of a hands-on caregiver to that of an advocate for the needs and rights of their loved one.

Virginia Bell, MSW and David Troxel, MPH, created "An Alzheimer's Disease Bill of Rights" in which they define the needs of people with Alzheimer's disease to maintain their selfhood and hopefulness.

They write: Every person diagnosed with Alzheimer's disease or a related disorder deserves:

  • To be informed of one's diagnosis.
  • To have appropriate, ongoing medical care.
  • To be productive in work and play as long as possible.
  • To be treated like an adult, not a child.
  • To have expressed feelings taken seriously.
  • To be free from psychotropic medications if at all possible.
  • To live in a safe, structured and predictable environment.
  • To enjoy meaningful activities to fill each day.
  • To be out-of-doors on a regular basis.
  • To have physical contact including hugging, caressing, and hand-holding.
  • To be with people who know one's life story, including cultural and religious traditions.
  • To be cared for by individuals well-trained in dementia care.

Finally, I was so touched by the words of Joanne and believe they bear repeating:

"I will always treat my husband with the utmost respect and I treasure each moment we share. We are still making memories together, just not in the same way we used to."

10 comments posted
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September 26, 2008 8:27 a.m.
WE BURIED MY MOTHER IN LAW 8/8/08 SHE HAD ALZHEIMER'S FOR SEVEN YEARS DIDN'T KNOW ANY OF HER FAMILY FOR THOSE YEARS, WAS IN A NURSING HOME FOR 5 1/2 YEARS, THIS DISEASE IS SO DEGRADING, MY MOTHER IN LAW WAS SUCH A SWEET, NEAT, PERSON, SHE HAD MUCH RATHER HAVE BEEN DEAD HAD SHE HAD THE CHOICE. WE NEVER KNEW IF SHE WAS HUNGRY, THIRSTY , COLD OR MISTREATED I WENT TO SEE HER EVERY AFTERNOON AFTER WORK BECAUSE I COULDN'T BEAR THE THOUGHT THAT SHE WAS THIRSTY AND COULDN'T EVEN ASK FOR A SIP OF WATER. MY SYMPATHY AND UNDERSTANDING GOES OUT TO ALL FAMILIES WHO ARE EXPERIENCING THIS HORRIBLE, DEGRADING DISEASE. YOU HAVE A SHELL IN FRONT OF YOU BUT NOT THE PERSON WHOM YOU HAVE LOVED FOR ALL THOSE YEARS. OUR FAMILY WAS RELIEVED WHEN SHE TOOK HER LAST BREATH HERE BECAUSE WE KNOW THAT HER NEXT WAS WITH GOD. WE ARE SAD THAT SHE IS GONE BUT RELIVED THAT IT IS OVER. HER SONS AND DAUGHTER ARE HORRIFED AT THE FACT THAT THIS DISEASE CAN BE HEREDITARY PLEASE PAY FOR A CURE AND SUPPORT ALZHEMIER'S IN CAN HAPPEN TO ANY FAMILY.
- MARIE
September 22, 2008 9:12 a.m.
I had never dealt with this monstrous disease until the past couple of years when my dad was diagnosed. He passed away 10 days ago, although I feel like he had been gone for quite some time. To watch your parent suffer and go through the steps of Alzheimer's get worse and worse, until the end is excrutiating. I am happy for him that his suffering is over, although I am sad that he's gone. This hard working, outdoorsman would have never wanted to live this way. He was married to my mother, who cared for him until the end, for 61 and a half years. All I can say at this point is, when you think it can't get any worse, - it will. It will get a lot worse. It will take a toll on family members, care givers, and everyone around you. I suggest spending as much time as you can with your Alzheimer's patient. If at all possible, please care for them at home. (yes, we went from nursing home to hospital to nursing home to hospital). Eventually, we took him home, where he passed on peacefully, surrounded by loving family members. Pray everyday for a cure for this horrid disease.
- Vickie
September 19, 2008 5:26 p.m.
Hi to all, I was just wondering how many of you caregivers handle the grief and loss of the person who is still living but just cant seem to remember. Some people talk about coping with death, but losing a husband to dementia is like losing him, only he is still living. Its not really your spouse sitting there. It looks like him but this stranger isnt at all like your husband. Its like a terribe bad dream, and you just want to wake up and everything will be ok again. But it is not a dream and it will never be better. Oh God please help me stay sane and able to cope with the future. I am so tired and so afraid of what the future holds. I sometimes wonder if I can go on. I see no light at the end of this tunnel...
- Kay
September 16, 2008 8:51 p.m.
What do you consider the best source for information regarding nursing home care and the elderly with diminishing cognition? Thanks!
- Helene
September 16, 2008 8:15 p.m.
If you haven't tuned into the Junebergalzeimers.com web site, do so - it helps as this one does. Stan's philosphy had always been "make the best decision and don't look back" but says "this time I cannot seem to follow y own philosophy" I am happy to hear that I am not the only one that feels that way. But we MUST go on for our loved ones sake and Barb - you are so very young- God bless you and help you... no one understands what we go through until it happens to them... take care and keep intuned to this web page - we have to help each other! Mary
- Mary M Thelen
September 11, 2008 6:56 p.m.
I just found this site and the comments I have read today have helped alot. My Husband Steve was diagnosed with Early Onset AZ five years ago. He will have his 61st birthday tommorow Sept 12. It has been a trial for our wole family. I quit my job 2 1/2 years ago to care for him 24/7. He has procressed rapidly. We had to place him on the list for the VA Home in Fergus Falls,MN this summer. We are waiting to hear from them. I have very mixed feelings about this move. My problem is that I am wearing out physcially and mentally. My children and family are great to support me but as you all know the decision has to be mine. Thank you for the chance to read your comments.
- Barb Skjold
September 10, 2008 11:12 a.m.
We also are going through this dreaded disease... and still trying to share what little life left we can... our family feels the need to help their Dad by participating in the Memory Walk, and may even take him along if possible... he has progressed very rapidly.. is in final stage.. walks and walks and walks some more at the VA Alzheimers Unit. We love him so much and miss him, as his body is just there...does not communicate at all... we are comforted by the caregivers at the VA and thank God he is in such a great place.. always a smile on the their faces.. so we are still creating memories, only hoping Jim will somehow understand...I also was touched by Joan's statement of still creating meomories....we can only hope our loved ones understand... guess we will never know! How sad for all of us... we need to find a cure soon... the Memory Walk is just a start for us... the Alzheimers web site is great... as our family and friends have responded so well, by contributing under our team.. it is an event that is helping us cope.. thank you for listening... Mary
- Mary M Thelen
September 9, 2008 9:39 p.m.
My wife June Berg is in the late and final stages of Alzheimer's. She is presently a resident at the Benedictine Health Care Center in New Brighton. She has not been responsive by way of speech, sight or head movements and has not known me or called me by name in 2 years. She sits with her eyes closed most of the time. She is difficult to feed. She is starting into her 11th year since diagnosis. I maintain a website for June's memory (She is the light and love of my life and always will be) and to serve as an information center for loved one's of Alzheimer's victims. Take a look at her website and navigate about it. The Minn. Dept of Health has told me the site is a good reference site even for professionals. www.junebergalzheimers.com Comments and suggestions are appreciated. Stan Berg
- Stanton O. Berg
September 9, 2008 9:35 a.m.
I'm 26 years old and i have really bad memory, I'm worried that i have a rare condition of Alzheimer's disease in younger people. Are there any studies that show people who have memory loss at this age? Is there anything i can do at this age to stop the progression of increased memory loss?
- Tess
September 8, 2008 2:39 p.m.
Thanks for this. I'm concerned about my dad, now 88, who is showing signs of forgetfulness and at times gets confused. It seems worse after dinner. I saw a posting about possible ways to prevent Alzheimer's and wondered whether this meant there is a way to prevent this from worsening? thanks, Jim
- Jim
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