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Anger management tips: 10 ways to tame your temper

Controlling your temper isn't always easy. But these effective anger management tips will help give you the upper hand.

By Mayo Clinic staff

Do you find yourself fuming when someone cuts you off in traffic? Does your blood pressure go through the roof when your child won't cooperate? Anger is a normal and even healthy emotion, but learning how to deal with it in a positive way is important.

Uncontrolled anger can make both you and other people feel lousy. If your outbursts, rages or frustrations are negatively affecting relationships with family, friends, co-workers or even complete strangers, it's time to learn some anger management skills. Anger management techniques are a proven way to help change the way you express your anger.

10 tips to help get your anger under control

  1. Take a 'timeout.' Although it may seem cliche, counting to 10 before reacting really can defuse your temper.
  2. Get some space. Take a break from the person you're angry with until your frustrations subside a bit.
  3. Once you're calm, express your anger. It's healthy to express your frustration in a nonconfrontational way. Stewing about it can make the situation worse.
  4. Get some exercise. Physical activity can provide an outlet for your emotions, especially if you're about to erupt. Go for a brisk walk or a run, swim, lift weights or shoot baskets.
  5. Think carefully before you say anything. Otherwise, you're likely to say something you'll regret. It can be helpful to write down what you want to say so that you can stick to the issues. When you're angry, it's easy to get sidetracked.
  6. Identify solutions to the situation. Instead of focusing on what made you mad, work with the person who angered you to resolve the issue at hand.
  7. Use 'I' statements when describing the problem. This will help you to avoid criticizing or placing blame, which can make the other person angry or resentful — and increase tension. For instance, say, "I'm upset you didn't help with the housework this evening," instead of, "You should have helped with the housework."
  8. Don't hold a grudge. If you can forgive the other person, it will help you both. It's unrealistic to expect everyone to behave exactly as you want.
  9. Use humor to release tensions. Lightening up can help diffuse tension. Don't use sarcasm, though — it's can hurt feelings and make things worse.
  10. Practice relaxation skills. Learning skills to relax and de-stress can also help control your temper when it may flare up. Practice deep-breathing exercises, visualize a relaxing scene, or repeat a calming word or phrase to yourself, such as "Take it easy." Other proven ways to ease anger include listening to music, writing in a journal and doing yoga.
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References
  1. Controlling anger — before it controls you. American Psychological Association. http://www.apa.org. Accessed May 27, 2009.
  2. Barbara Woodward Lips Patient Education Center. Understanding anger. Rochester, Minn.: Mayo Foundation for Medical Education and Research; 2004.
  3. Scott CL, et al. Psychotherapeutic approaches to treating chronic aggression. In: Hales RE, et al. The American Psychiatric Publishing Textbook of Psychiatry. 5th ed. Washington, D.C.: American Psychiatric Publishing; 2008. http://www.psychiatryonline.com/content.aspx?aID=319794&searchStr=aggressive+behavior. Accessed May 27, 2009.

MH00102

June 25, 2009

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